When my daughter graduated, my husband turned into what I considered to be a “Nazi” parent.
He was adamant that she move out and stretch her wings. My daughter was terrified and cried buckets of tears. So did I, actually. She tried to go to a college close to home but my husband stood his ground and insisted that she needed to move away. I was a mess. I knew the Bible was clear to submit to the husband’s decision, but I really thought he was being too tough on her. I tried to cushion it a little and then worried like a sick puppy the first few months she was in college. We fought and I was miserable for months.
Then guess what happened? She had a talk with him not too long ago while I had the pleasure of listening in. She said, “Daddy, thank you for pushing me. I’m so happy and I know I’m where God wants me to be! I would have never gone to this school if you hadn’t done that and I’m so grateful.” Big hug. Huge tears. And my husband said, “You know that was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I didn’t want to be mean, I just knew in my heart it was the right thing to do.”
What? And here all along, I thought he was wrong, pushy and over-bearing! I was convinced I was the right one by being the protector and spending countless hours worrying over whether or not she would survive! And yet, he’s the one she’s thanking.
Big wake up call.
I told Stephanie that I was sorry if I had coddled her too much, and she said she needed me to at that point, but that she saw after awhile how good the decision was for her. I told her she was the first born so she is the “guinea pig” when it comes to me learning along the way! Maybe by the time my 12-year-old is her age, I’ll finally figure out what it means to be a parent of an adult.
But I think I know the first step now—I will no longer be a worrier.
What a complete waste of time and energy! I heard once that worrying is like rocking in a rocking chair—it gives you something to do but it gets you nowhere. It does not make me a better mom. It is not proactive parenting. It is the opposite of trusting God! Instead, I will be a warrior. Instead of worrying about my kids and feeling out of control, I’m going to relinquish that control and pray like nobody’s business that God will protect them and guide them. He did it anyway, even though I worried, but what good did the worry do me? I guess it gave me a few new wrinkles and a lot of sleepless nights…but it got me nowhere. Praying, instead of worrying, will bring me into the peaceful place of rest that God intends for me as a parent. Trusting. Believing. Honoring his word!
This mom is officially a warrior. A prayer warrior! Thank you, Lord, for opening my eyes. Sometimes the decisions we make for our kids are hard—especially as we let go more and more as they become adults. But the rewards are astronomical. I’ve got an amazing adult daughter who is walking confidently into the call God has placed on her life—and she’s turning into quite the warrior herself. Thank God my husband is the strong man he is and he could see that, even though it was the hardest thing he’d ever done, he had no choice but to do it out of love and obedience to God—so he did.
Now… to apply my new warrior mentality to my 20-year-old son, who recently moved away to a big city! My husband had to push him, too. I see a pattern here.
When it comes to your children, do you find yourself being a worrier or a warrior in most situations? When you struggle with worry, this is a sign that prayer is needed! Try being a warrior for your child, instead.
Submitting to our husband can be hard—especially when we feel like we are in the right. Do you struggle in this area?