After my rape, I really wasn’t sure what to do.
For the first few months afterward I was in such a state of shock and confusion that I allowed the relationship to continue. Partly due to the fact that I thought we now had to get married, and partly because I was scared to death no other man would desire someone’s used car.
Each encounter with him was an emotionless blur.
I was screaming inside to tell someone how I was feeling — to ask someone if this “relationship” was normal. Having never even kissed a boy prior to this, having never had the “talk” with my parents, I simply could not comprehend where to go from this point. With every ounce of my being, I felt that no one would believe me if I were to tell them that I had been raped by this young man. And so . . . I didn’t tell . . . anyone.
We eventually broke up (I know, you’re shocked). He moved on, and I pretended to move on by dating other guys and not talking about that night to anyone. But inside, I detested the thought — not so much of him, but of who I had become because I had allowed him to treat me like a victim.
Oh how I burned with the desire for revenge — justice! I yearned for him to feel the same pain from my own hands that I had felt from his.
Just for the record, I have never heard — nor will I ever hear — an acknowledgement, much less an “I’m sorry,” from the young man who raped me. But the brilliant truth is — I no longer need it!
By the grace of God I have learned to trust the One who foreknew my suffering to attend to the one who hurt me. Remember, He created and formed that “hurter,” just as He created and formed you. He cares for and loves that “hurter,” just as He cares for and loves you.
All this is evidence that God’s judgment is right, and as a result you will be counted worthy of the kingdom of God, for which you are suffering. God is just: He will pay back trouble to those who trouble you and give relief to you who are troubled, and to us as well. This will happen when the Lord Jesus is revealed from heaven in blazing fire with his powerful angels. (2 Thessalonians 1:5 – 7)
This verse reminds us that not only should we count our times of suffering as an occasion for personal strengthening, we should also note that everyone will stand before God. At that time, all wrongs will be righted.
Anyone who speaks against a brother or sisteror judges them speaks against the law and judges it. (James 4:11)
Take in that sobering reminder right there. Who do you think you are to judge and repay justice? You are but flesh. You are just as capable of being a hurter as the one who hurt you.
We must take this moment to be reminded that even our richest scheme of payback cannot compare with the right justice of the Lord. The Lord is the only force capable of penetrating and dividing a “hurter’s” joints and marrow to the aching point of conviction for their wrong.
God’s way of dealing with His children will always differ from any human concoction, simply because His plan is always grounded in His desire to bring His children back to Him in love — no matter their poor choices.
Desiring justice against another person is, in essence, believing yourself to be something you are not — God!
Excerpt from Named by God.