I Want to Cry Faster

Recently my six-​year-​old son Elijah had a meltdown. After recovering from a fever that caused him to miss four days of school, he just wanted to play his favorite game and relax. Unfortunately, I needed to use the computer too and, for my son, this was the last straw … He completely blew his stack!

Three hours later, he was still screaming. Though I tried everything to calm him down, he simply couldn’t figure out how to stop the hurt. Then suddenly he began to shout over and over: “I want to cry faster mama! I want to cry faster!”

Elijah suffers from autism. Since the diagnosis, I’ve spent countless hours learning how to be the best mother I can be, and most of the time I know exactly what he needs. This was not one of those times. As he continued to scream, I held him close and prayed, and then I felt the Lord whisper His truth into my spirit.

Romans 8:25 – 26 reads, “But if we hope for what we do not see, we eagerly wait for it with perseverance. Likewise the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered.”

As I turned my attention to my Savior’s voice, I received the wisdom needed to help my son.

“Do you want to go for a walk baby?,” I asked. He stopped screaming and nodded. It was midnight and 19 degrees outside, but we bundled up and stepped out into the night. I carried him down the street, singing hymns and praying. A half hour later, I took him home and his father took him to bed.

I went back outside to spend time with the Lord, and the tears began to fall. “Father,” I cried, completely unsure of what to pray next. “Father … My son has autism! And it’s just so unfair! It’s unfair to him, and unfair to us! Father, why? Lord, I want to cry — faster!”

Immediately I was comforted by the truth. Though my family hopes for a full recovery from autism, and though we wait with perseverance, Jesus provides the help needed in our weaknesses. He promises that when we don’t know how to pray, His Spirit intercedes and advocates, and we can choose to be comforted by His presence and truth.

That night, my son and I had the same need — to be heard, held, and embraced. We needed to “cry faster” and have this whole “Autism Thing” over with, but Jesus wants us to have something so much better, and He has already provided it. He has given His love which overflows every day to my son. He has given Himself, and life holds no greater treasure. Just as my son rests in the arms of those who love him no matter how many meltdowns he has, we can choose to rest in the sufficiency of the embrace of the Lord.

For Your Reflection:

What goals can you set today that will help you to “cry faster” the next time life gets overwhelming? 

About June Felix

June Felix is a woman of prayer — a Bible teacher and discipler, author, speaker, radio announcer, and missionary. Highly awarded for her community service, she lives for others — her compassion for grief, unyielding faith, and love for life are evident in everything she […]

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  1. I can relate.….this touches my heart. (So thankful Logan has outgrown this).

    • June Felix says:

      LOL! I smile at this comment — because I am to look back and think of all the things that Elijah has overcome — and outgrown…God is SO good! And i think of all the things I have outgrown and overcome! What a Savior!!! Thanks for blessing me today LeAnne!

  2. Thank you June. THrough faith your pain is transmuted into gold that you share with us.

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