What You See Is What You Get

If you have gone to the same church for any length of time, chances are you’ve noticed something you don’t like.

The music is too loud or not loud enough.

The pastor is talking about the building program again.

They really need to remodel the bathrooms.

And the list goes on and on. After all, no church can cater to the preferences of all its members. That would be an impossible and ridiculous task.

Sadly, it’s so easy to fixate on the negatives and forget all the positives. I realized this anew when I showed a first-​time visitor around my church. I proudly talked about the quality care her kids would receive from the wonderful teachers. I pointed out the many classrooms and the beautiful sanctuary. I invited her to a Wednesday night moms’ group.

She was impressed and encouraged by her first Sunday at the church – and rightfully so!

I came home and told my husband James about my experience of seeing all the positives afresh about our church. I realized the same rings true in our marriages.

What do you see when you look at your spouse? Do you ever have thoughts like these?

He’s so demanding. Doesn’t he understand the pressures I face? 

He’s lazy and passive. I wish he would get up and do something.

He doesn’t understand me. He is so insensitive to my feelings.

Guess what? Focusing on those negative aspects and feelings will just bring you more of the same. You get more of what you measure.

It’s our human nature to have these thoughts. It doesn’t take any effort! Negative thinking comes so easily. That’s why the Bible tells us to be proactive.

Philippians 4:8 tells us, “Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable — if anything is excellent or praiseworthy — think about such things.”

What does your husband do well? What do you love about his character? Take a moment to think about it — you’ll have a chance to share it in a moment.

My husband makes me laugh. He comes home and greets all of us loudly with hugs and squeezes for the kids and me. He is a decisive leader in the home who isn’t afraid to call the shots and take any flack from the kids. He’s tenderhearted, supportive, wise, and considerate. He even makes breakfast on most days. I know… how did I get so blessed?

When you think about the positives in your man, you realize the awesome hunk you caught. What you see is what you get. Make a decision to see the positive in your spouse.

For Your Reflection:
Tell us what your husband does well and something you just love about him.

About Arlene Pellicane

Arlene Pellicane is a speaker and author of Growing Up Social: Raising Relational Kids in a Screen-​​Driven World (co-​​authored with Gary Chapman), 31 Days to a Happy Husband,and 31 Days to Becoming a Happy Wife. She has been featured on the Today Show, Fox […]

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  1. Renee Fisher says:

    This is great Arlene!

  2. This is really good , Arlene, we'llk have 48 years on July 5.

  3. This is so true, and yet so hard to do! Thanks for the reminder. My busband works hard and takes good care of our family, in spite of a major health condition. He is loving, faithful, and honest.

  4. Jessica Lynne Kidd says:

    My husband and I have had many issues ~ many in part due to me and the horrible things that I have done before and since married. But in the almost 6 years we have been married, I can honestly say despite all the bad that has happened on his part in return to what I have done to him…he is still here, still by my side, still takes care of me and our kids and when I needed someone to tell me it would all be okay…he was the one to tell me that…he has been my help when I needed it most.

  5. nice

  6. What if u see the best in him and he keeps pointing the worst in you, so much that you feel you are better dead.

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