Childish vs. Sinful

When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways. (I Corinthians 13:11)

Being a parent is hard; being a parent who wants to raise their children to love God is even harder. To know when to discipline, how to discipline, why we should discipline, is enough to make one want to give up out of utter confusion. The books, the blogs, the conversations at the park that revolve around those questions are endless. We want to be sure we are doing the right job, being the right parent, so that we can raise the right kids.

With all the emphasis on our parenting, we have forgotten that we are raising children. We have forgotten that they are actually just kids. They think like kids, they speak like kids, they reason like kids. They don’t have 20 or 30 or 40 years of experience under their belts like you and I do.

We so often expect our kids to think like us.

To have the life experience to be able to reason like an adult. We expect them to know that when they swing the rope that way, it will probably hit someone in the face and knock their eye out. We expect them to think through the fact that when they sit on the dog — which is such great fun, and the closest thing to the horse they want but you won’t buy — the dog might bite them or might get hurt. We expect them to think like an adult.

The tragic thing is, in our desire to raise godly children, we punish their childishness as though it were sin. We forget that they have only been alive for eight years and only have eight years of knowledge. We accuse them of being unloving, or unkind, or foolish as though they actually thought through what they were about to do and decided that jumping off the highest branch and landing next to/​on their sister was the best course of action. Talk about exasperating. When I am next to a techie and I do something stupid on my computer and hear the inevitable sigh of displeasure, I feel like an idiot. “No, I actually didn’t know that if I hit that button, my entire computer would blow up.”

Now, please don’t misunderstand me. I am not saying we should excuse sin. When we see sin, we must talk about forgiveness and a Savior. I am all for disciplining a child when they sin. But I would love to ask the questions — and have you ask yourself — “is this truly sin?” or “is this child just thinking like a child?” We can take those opportunities of child-​​like thinking and use them to gently, patiently explain what all our years of living have taught us. As I write that, I laugh; there is so much more I need to learn too. I am sure my parents would agree.

 

Jessica Thompson

About Jessica Thompson

Jessica Thompson grew up in Southern California, the second child of Phil and Elyse Fitzpatrick. After graduating from high school, she completed her bachelor’s degree in theology and married her sweetheart, Cody Thompson. The Lord has blessed them with three […]

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Comments

  1. Jessica, this is fantastic! Thank you so much for expressing something near and dear to my heart. I know so many parents trying to squeeze perfection out of their children that they loose sight of who their children really are: children! It's exasperating at best and hurtful at the worst. Thank you for sharing this very timely bit of wisdom.
    Love from,
    Greta

  2. Sarah Taras says:

    This is excellent! YES! So many times we exasperate them for being who they are. :) Thank you for this reminder!

  3. Courtney French says:

    Amen!

    • Corrie Johnson says:

      Love this. Thankfully, it was a principle my parents were very good at practicing as I grew up. It's one of the best ways they prepared me for parenthood (and I still don't get it 100% right! ha!). It really helps frame the perspective.

  4. Kimm Edstrom Crandall says:

    Love it Jess! Thanks!

  5. Vanessa Strohmeyer says:

    Fantastic reminder to see the difference in our children's actions — AND to help older children recognize childishness in younger siblings. :o)

  6. I love the point you make and the examples that make me laugh. I want to ride the dog like a pony, too! Thank you for your sacrificial labor to write and speak when you'd rather be at the beach…

  7. Christy Schmidt says:

    Thank you thank you thank you! This is something I have been thinking of so much lately as I raise my rambunctious 2 – 1/​2-​​year-​​old son, but it seems this thinking is so scarce, I couldn't help but wonder if it was just me. I kept feeling so judged as a Christian mother for not treating my son's seemingly careless choices as sin in need of discipline, but sometimes it is so clear to me that he is not making this choice out of rebellion, he just doesn't have the experience and reasoning necessary to recognize the consequences of certain choices if it's not something he's dealt with yet at his young age. We need to be so deliberate and slow to react as parents, to first take the time to think through what's just happened and apply wisdom to the situation before we just bound and react.

  8. Stacey Smith says:

    So what age does child end at?

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